NYC Dream: The Italian Way

Imparando a parlare un po’ di Italiano. Sono Indiano, ovviamente, ma connecto molto con la cultura d’italiana! Sento che lavorato per la famiglia di Medici nella mia ultima vita!

Back in India, I was neither a scientist nor an artist. Science was something I studied in school. Art was merely a hobby. But, over past few years, the two forces collapsed. Two entities tried to merge. One bled over the other in places where people trained in one were not ready to appreciate the other. So, I struggled. I tried to find a peace treaty between two sides of the same coin. And I failed.

The failure was more in the form of losing an internal battle. There is a specific way of practicing science. Contrary to the contemporary belief, there is also a specific way of practicing art. As I have been training myself classically in learning both, there was always one lurking over my shoulder when I practiced the other.

And then it occurred to me. Perhaps, both entities need little bit more than just learning skills and practicing them. They deserve stronger and separate identities.

For me, the language of science has always been English. It is simple and commanding enough to state the logic and belief. But, it lacks ambiguity. It is too pristine. I needed a different language for art.

In my last post, I mentioned how much I was touched, moved and inspired by Luca Guadagnino’s film – Call me by your name. Now, an idea came to me. What if I learn Italian? It has been the language of most of my favorite painters. It has been the culture and birthplace of European renaissance! What if the artist in me is Italian?

Could the artist in me communicate in Italian? Think, eat, walk and talk in Italian? It is clearly one of the most expressive language that combines words with hand and other gestures! We will see.

NYC Dream: Love, pain and an epitaph; a phoenix born from the ashes

Life is funny. And shamelessly cruel.

70ddf-20131026_082337In the year of 2017, I couldn’t make my trip to NYC and was feeling such a strong attraction to the city that I haven’t felt before. I realized how Frank Sinatra might have felt when he was away from the city and he wrote his songs on how much he missed New York.

Finally, in the beginning of 2018, I could make my 13th trip to my favorite city. As it was the next day of the bomb cyclone, several of my well-wishers told me to postpone my trip. My friends did not. They know me too well. They know my obsession with NYC.

As the flight was leaving Dallas, I wrote –

“Let it be the bomb cyclone, let it be the cold
New York always welcomes me with a heart of gold!”

Who knew within a day of reaching NYC, something so unexpected, something so emotionally turbulent would happen to me, that I would try to prepone my return ticket to get back home!

So how did it happen?

793d5-Paris2Btheatre2BCMBYNIt was 18F and it was snowing. I was feeling irritated as I couldn’t go see my Angel of Bethesda in the Central Park. I was just standing in front of the Plaza hotel and trying to find a place, any place to warm up a little bit. Then I saw a blue colored poster of a film where it looked like a man is resting his head on another man’s shoulder. Rolling Stone gave it a four star. I crossed the 58th St and walked to the Paris theatre where the film was playing.

I am very skeptical about LGBTQ+ films as most of them are crappy, titillating and they sabotage the art of film-making in so many ways I couldn’t even count. In stead of breaking rules, they get stuck in a stereotype. This film, as I read in the review, is based in sun-drenched Italy. It sounded like a pretty good film to watch while warming up a bit inside the theatre.

Little did I know, this film, named “Call me by your name” by Luca Guadagnino, would find a tiny opening to my skeptical mind and would plunge a white hot iron bar through my heart!

I didn’t really cry. At least not the first time I saw it. I knew I saw something beautiful, poetic, moving, real, brave, acute, tender and humane.

I moved on with my usual NYC chores: eating Indian food at the Curry Hill, watching the sunset behind the Southern Tip of Manhattan from DUMBO, meeting my friends and family all around the city, visiting the European sculpture court at MET, so and so forth. But, throughout the day, I felt like going back to the Paris theatre and watch the film again. As if something I have missed, as if something more I was wanting to get out of it.

The second time I saw the film, I bawled so bad. Thankfully the theatre during the day was very empty. I came out of the theatre and started walking across the 5th Ave. I couldn’t see the streets clearly as my eyes wouldn’t stop watering. And my tear drops would not turn into ice even though it was 20F. Suddenly, I could remember all the pain from all my past romantic relationships. Pain that I’ve frozen away in the form of stalactites in such obscure and faraway caves over the years, that even I couldn’t remember they existed. All of a sudden, they all were melting and flooding through my heart, shaking me and questioning the very fabric of reality I built within and around my life. It was not soothing water that put out the fire. It was a scorching lava that reinvigorated the flame.

Then I saw it again. And again. And again. The film was pulling me like it wouldn’t let me breathe until I go through all of my own agony.

The subject matter and the storyline of “Call me by your name” is not new to me. “La Nuit Bengali” by Mircea Eliade and “Na hanyate” by Maitreyee Devi told similar stories of love. A talented creative young girl or boy falls for the visiting scholar living in her/his house working with the girl/boy’s father, a highly notable professor of art, humanities or literature. They share a “fling” for a short amount of time. But, due to circumstances beyond their control (as they think) they part ways.

51377-26233525_10155325496853284_8028759702897704004_oBut, there are 3 unique things in this film that moved me.

First, the cinematography, the acting, the sound – made it so natural that I felt I was a character, an observer, inside the film. I could smell the basil in their food. I could taste the apricot juice they were drinking. I could feel the fabric of their clothes as they were cycling by the meadow or swimming in the trough. There were moments where I wanted to reach out and interact with the characters, specifically to guide Elio as he was so young and tender, wearing his heart on his sleeve, very much like me. I read later – this is the specialty of Luca Guadagnino’s films.

Second, there is no antagonist character that we see here. Neither internal, nor external. Everyone is very supportive of the love the main characters share with each other. I think this point made the separation even more painful. Who should we blame? Elio for falling in love? Prof P and Mrs P for not stopping him? Oliver for not telling that he might get engaged and married to someone else? I tried so hard to be angry and blame someone? So that I could turn my own pain into anger and revenge! The way I did in my scientific research by killing cancer cells with novel therapeutic strategies and making discoveries that people appreciated! But, in this cae, I just couldn’t!

Third, there is a very strong sense of vulnerability that the characters portray – the kind of vulnerability that can only be felt by people young-at-heart. It is brutal, naked yet brave and elating. There is no hero going through the monomythic “hero’s journey” described by Joseph Campbell and loved and celebrated by Hollywood! There is no one wearing prosthetics loved by Academy Awards juries. Hell, there is no one even twitting #MeToo in this film!

I was in such an emotionally turbulent state of mind, I wrote to my filmmaker friend in Dallas. She very kindly kept the conversation going until I could turn my pain into something creative.

I thought about a series of abstract paintings. But, I knew immediately it won’t be able to capture the plethora of emotions I felt. Next, I thought, I would write the story from Oliver’s perspective that the film or the book do not portray. Again, I felt like that won’t be satisfactory and fair to the fire I felt in my heart. Then, suddenly, as the 6 train reached the 14 St station, and I tried to keep my balance in the crowded subway, it came to me. I need to make something that combines words and images. I need to make a graphic novel.

This creative need was so strong, I immediately wanted to get back to my writing and drawing studio in Dallas. I listened to the 7 hour long audio book of the same name written by Andre Aciman, on which the movie was based. During the flight, I read the script by James Ivory and started brainstorming ideas about expansion and picked up clues on the protagonist of my graphic novel.

216c1-26849997_1966532173666535_1950147538601803700_oAfter I was back to my apartment in Dallas, I started writing the script. It took me 15 hours to write 22 scenes of the story that I wanted to tell.

The irony in this experience was that NYC, the source of my strongest obsession, tricked me into experiencing something that broke that very obsession and replaced it with just love.

I don’t know enough to understand why the film didn’t receive the Golden Globe even after 3 nominations. I wished the film won the Academy Awards just because a genuine story of love combining both joy and pain is highly timely to keep us human even with the lack of empathetic leaders all around the world.

I started to realize that while going through the usual stress, anxiety and pain of life, I have been losing bits and pieces of my heart. As a result I was also losing the ability to empathize, to feel genuine happiness and was gravitating towards thrills. Watching “Call me by your name” brought back the pain, the vulnerability, the empathy and the happiness in memories that I’ve locked down in such far away places that even I couldn’t remember. Now I realize that pain completes the happiness and is essential to be and stay human just like beauty in my art and in my science is incomplete without the suffering.

In the end, I want to steal Sufjan Stevens’ words, the hauntingly beautiful songs he wrote for this film, as he said it in a way I never could-

“I’ve loved you for the last time
Is it a video? Is it a video?”

NYC dream: The hipster factor

In my 2016 NYC trip, I did a social experiment. 
For the first time in my 13 NYC trips, I visited the city during the month of December and for the first time I went to Rockefeller Plaza during the holidays. Also, I dressed up like a Southern tourist: large, fluffy and colored jackets without far, plaid woolen shirts, bootcut blue jeans, big woolen hats etc etc. The only not so non-New-Yorker thing was my shoe – I wore a pair of designer black boots without a gothic belt and without a cowboy knuckle. 
I blended in with the tourists very well with this attire in the 47th and 5th. But, I couldn’t hide the frustration on my face because of the super slowly moving, awe-inspiringly directionally-challenged, “Ooooh just like the movie Spiderman” screaming and annoyingly blocking everyone else, selfie-taking crowd!
Now, my visits to SoHo, TriBeCa and Little Italy generated a very different response. I would never forget the glare I got from the locals who took one millionth of a second to look at my clothes! This experience got me aware of the New York Hipster factor!
After some observation and research I came to the conclusion that the New Yorker hipsters are in their 20s and 30s, wear knee-high designer black boots even in summer, wear black trench coats and hoodie with far in winter, wear skinny tapered jeans, with a smug look on that can never be bitch-slapped off of their faces, wear their long hair: straight and untied (if identify with the female gender), or in a tight bun (if identify with the male gender), highly aware of the green lifestyle, always height-weight balanced, highly aesthetic about themselves and their surrounding and very kind and friendly to tourists when asked for directions.

Should I do the second phase of the experiment dressing up like a New Yorker hipster in my next visit and see what kind of look I get from the locals in lower Manhattan and from the tourists in Midtown?

NYC dream: To my readers from 10 countries

Dear Reader,
Today I looked at the audience statistics generated by Blogger for my blog posts. I was surprised and excited to see that my readers are from 10 countries (China, Russia, Malaysia, Portugal, Canada, Germany, UK, France, Ukraine and Brazil) apart from USA. You may be interested in cancer research, or visual art, or New York City or all of them. Whoever you are and whatever your interest is, I hope my blog was and will be informative and enjoyable to you!
Best!

NYC dream: The pipette and the paintbrush

Back in 2015 when I founded Cancer ART-SCI Network to unite the cancer researchers and artists worldwide to advance prevention, diagnosis and cure for cancer, I had three major goals in my mind. As Valerie Garcia eloquently wrote in her article after interviewing me, these goals were:

1) Informational – communicating complex scientific problems via art to a broader audience, 2) Emotional – providing an expressive avenue to cancer patients to cope with the side effects during their therapy, and, 3) Creative – generating novel ideas and hypothesis to be tested in the scientific labs. I gathered a lot of like-minded people for the first two goals and created significant number of appropriate events over the past two years showing the impact in 20 countries by 189 members of this network. But, the third goal was the most difficult one.

My vision for the third goal was to bring art to the scientific research labs as a way to fill the blind spot in data-driven research – to help scientists understand complex theoretical concepts of cancer where real-life data are not available yet. The major hurdle was to avoid the vicious cycle. Some of the cancer researchers and science writers told me they would consider believing that art can help advance science if I could show them evidence of others reporting so. One way to overcome this was through the documenting evidences through the Art and Cancer section of Leonardo journal from MIT Press. Thankfully, Leonardo’s editor-in-chief who was also a NASA astrophysicist believed in my vision.

Now, I cannot speak for other cancer researchers who dived into practicing art and found benefits in their scientific research. I understand it takes courage to break an ideology as a set of beliefs that art is way too loose to help data-driven, reproducible, statistically significant, evidence based scientific research. Moreover, the value of fighting this battle is not clear to most of the cancer researchers.

But, I can speak for myself. In early 2016, when my scientific article undergoing review at the Cancer Research journal from AACR Press demanded some in vivo data, I utilized that situation as an opportunity to use art and science together to answer a complex question. 

My visual exploration of cancer as a chaotic system
Using lung cancer patients derived cells (in vitro) I have already shown that certain types of lung cancer, even from one patient, may have more than one type of tumor cells and hence more than one therapy could provide a better therapeutic outcome. To show this results held right also in the laboratory animals (in vivo) I had to think about majorly two issues that I didn’t address before: when to begin the treatment and how to space out the treatment. While the thought process leading to the answer of the first question came from my visual exploration of chaotic nature of lung cancer in paintings and mixed media, the exact planning was also based on the previously available scientific data available from the literature and my collaborators from New York.

The second question was trickier. For this one, I studied concept called the “period of intermittency.” Now, in terms of time scale, the period of intermittency is a short period and the tumors can go back being chaotic or unpredictable with a slight increase in growth signal from within the cells or from the microenvironment. Ideally, I wanted to space out the schedule in a way to keep the tumors in the intermittent state at my best efforts. This led to the thought – “how to space out the doses.” This was the artistic intuition part of the process. This is somewhat a balance between how much drug we give to eliminate the cells and how much growth promoting signals the cells are receiving. I was very happy when I observed that my experiment on reducing the growth of lung tumors in animals gave a positive result.

My painting on the period of intermittency in tumor’s evolution
As a scientist, I could have done detailed experiments with different combinations of when to begin and how to space out the treatment to measure toxicity and identify which combination works the best to reduce the tumor burden. But instead of that long and already established route, I followed my artistic intuition. I know I will be criticized by the scientists for this as I do not have a statistical significance, per se, of my artistic intuition. We don’t know if this intuition will work the same way for other therapies in other tumors. But, this is definitely a new way of looking into an existing problem and that’s what artists have done in the history – they always challenged the ideologies and the belief that appeared normal.
In summary, working through precise scientific experiments we tend to forget to take risks. Taking risk is even harder when we are working on a problem on which millions of patients’ lives depend. But, remembering the fact that most of the revolutionary scientific discoveries were done by accidents, I believe we can supplement traditional science with new techniques. The paintbrush from an artist’s studio should never replace the micro-pipette in a scientist’s lab. But, holding on to the paintbrush may provide new ideas from a new consciousness. After all, a very famous scientist once said – “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

NYC Dream: Adaptation, transformation and genesis

Two years back while creating paintings based on Swan Lake and choreographing dance forms with Tchaikovsky’s composition, I had no idea how my own life experiences will blend in this adaptation over time and create a new form of mixed media art.

The Indian choreographic adaptation of a
short segment of Swan Lake at the Art
Institute of Dallas.

In Dr. Anne Perry’s Transformation and Adaptation class at the Art Institute of Dallas, I did my final project on three layers of adaptation of Swan Lake. The original Bolshoi ballet Swan Lake inspired Aronofsky’s Black Swan as well as Matthew Bourne’s ballet version. Interestingly, the adaptation of Swan Lake in Stephen Daldry’s 2000 film Billy Elliot was tightly connected with Bourne’s ballet version as Adam Cooper, the principal ballet dancer played 25 year old Billy Elliot in the film.

My medieval style painting was inspired
by Swan Lake and Darren Aronofsky’s 2010
film Black Swan. 

Finally, there were my paintings and choreography of a short segment of Swan Lake shown and performed at the Art Institute of Dallas.

My mixed media piece

Two years later, as I was reflecting on my own life, I realized adaptation evolves over time as we blend in our own experiences with our inspirations. As a result, I combined my earlier sketches on Swan Lake with my personal performance in playing the evil wizard Rothbert. The struggle of emulating the characters combined with fights in my own life, with a little help from gravity created a fluid, biomorphic and somewhat psychedelic mixed media piece with dynamic composition.

As I was creating this piece in my balcony, suddenly it started raining. Appreciating the involvement and the uncertainty of nature, I kept going instead of moving the setup indoor. Interestingly, the rain water went under the acrylic layer soaking through the coffee filter papers and created uneven yet beautiful greenish brown patches under an otherwise blue and turquoise piece. The next day, after drying this piece as I was carrying this to the installation space, a blue Jay flew over my head and dropped off a feather from it’s wing. Taking it as another sign of nature, I picked up the dark blue feather and glued it on the piece. It may not be a Swan feather but I was very happy no matter what.  

NYC dream: Connecting four artists from four corners of the world

This is a tale of three girls and one boy separated by time and space and how they teamed up because of their common passion and experience in inspiring the audience to tell their own stories via art.

Figure 1: Puppet show designed by Elisabeth Schalij at the Museum of American Indian in New York City where children interacted with the puppets created by Elisabeth as a mode of art communication.

Back in 1930s, Netherlands, Elisabeth was growing up with a dream of telling stories like that of Grimm and Anderson. Her fascination with the symbolic meaning and similarities of mythologies made her travel across the seven seas like Sinbad and to reach New York City, USA. After establishing herself as a renowned international artist, she created hundreds of thousands of art shows and workshops all around the world. The most impactful of them was a puppet show at the Children’s museum and Hudson River Museum, New York (Figure 1). With a focus on Native American stories, the puppet show inspired many including the 4th Grade students of Midland School, New York. Cornelia Mason, the 4th grade teacher recalls “How great it was to have the puppet show and especially great (and educational I might add) to have it coordinated with the subject of Indians.” On Elisabeth’s recent book “Snowbear”, a story and illustration of Inuit folklore, Jaap J. Bredee, professor emeritus of Utrecht University, Netherlands writes “I could envision Snowbear to become another classic story about the American Indians, who were treated so terribly in the past.”

Figure 2: Caroline Shaw Ometz teaching her workshop at Mendocino, California in 2013 and inspiring her students to create their own stories, exploration and questions on life in painting. 

In the meantime, as a little girl, Caroline, in 1950’s southern United States always dreamt of teaching art in a way that her students realize their natural creativity. Turning her dreams into reality, a miracle itself in her life, she taught for past 40 years in Creative Arts Center, Craft Guild, Plano Recreation center and Continental Gin Building, Dallas. Building on her own Graduate level training at SMU, UTD and University of Dallas, she provided a nurturing environment for her students to meet their individual creative need. Her most impactful teaching experience is at the Mendocino Art Center, California (Figure 2). Her student, Anne Neal, currently a sculptor herself, recalls “Caroline’s teaching has changed the way I relate to and practice art. From Caroline, I learnt to step away from focusing on techniques and instead focus on the message. I now see space as an opportunity for a fluid dialogue instead of something empty waiting to be filled.” Similarly, Roberto Munguia, Cistercian Preparatory School/ Art Department Head says “Caroline has been a real source of inspiration to our students. She has been able to facilitate their making a deeper connection with their work and to reach beyond technical proficiency towards personal inner vision.”

Figure 3: Shafaq Ahmad explaining her “Mysterious Letters – The Realm of the Hidden”, a 78 piece installation at the Sharjah Museum of contemporary Art, 2016 to the Minister of Art and Education of United Arab Emirates inspiring him about the future of Art Education.

8000 miles away from Caroline, was Shafaq. Born in Rawalpindi, Pakistan, Shafaq has always been drawn to mysticism. She lived in United Kingdom, Iran and Denmark before fully realizing her artistic purpose and settling down in United States. Over past few decades she wore and switched several hats: a BFA student of Virginia Commonwealth University, Richmond, an MFA student of Texas Christian University, Fort Worth, a glass artist collaborating with galleries in Czech Republic and Sweden, and a multimedia artist with many solo and 70 group exhibitions all around the world. Her most impactful work involving interaction with audience and inspiring them was with the Minister of Art and Education at Sharjah, United Arab Emirates (Figure 3). Her work in connecting the contemporary calligraphy presenting mysterious letters, realm of hidden geometric and fractal patterns impacted the audience to create their own form of art and shaped the future of art educational programs in United Arab Emirates. Recently, Deborah Fleck from Dallas Morning News writes about her solo exhibition – “For big, bold and colorful see the paintings of Shafaq Ahmad.”

Figure 4: Dhruba Deb moderating a panel discussion with scientists from University of Texas and artists from Dallas and New York City at LuminArte Gallery in 2016 with his paintings in the background to inspire an audience of 140 to create their own science-based art.

Born in 1980’s Kolkata, India, Dhru had a dream of merging art and science. Just like the North East Indian folklore of “Grandmother’s tales” he flew over thirteen rivers and seven mountains to reach Dallas, Texas. His PhD studies in biomedical science At UT Southwestern Medical Center, Dallas and BA studies in visual art at University of Hertfordshire, UK, enabled him to communicate complex problems of science via art to a broader audience and to be involved in transforming the education in both elementary (The Hockaday School) and higher level (Center for Art and Technology, UTD). The most impactful of his interactions was at the LuminArte Gallery, Dallas (Figure 4), where he curated and participated in an art show with 50 artworks from 6 artists and scientists and a panel discussion with 2 scientists and 2 artists. This educational event enabled an exchange of knowledge and inspiration to create art of science among 140 audience members. Priscilla Di Thiene, Editor of Le Scienze from Rome recalls “Our magazine deals with a lot of scientific arguments. But, your images published in Le Scienze show such a different way to see, study, understand and approach cancer.”

Figure 5: Example of 4 paintings from 4 artists

In 2016, Dallas, these four artists teamed up realizing their common interest in telling magical stories from around the world and in the process inspiring their audience to share their own stories in visual and literary art. Just like the magical objects in their stories, they plan to utilize paintings, sculptures and storytelling in their workshops to bring out the magical creativity in their audience. Elisabeth’s paintings and story “Markel the Magnificent” (Figure 5, top left) shows how each audience as an individual has the magical ability to bring someone back to life. Caroline’s visuals and writing on “God Quest” (Figure 5, top right) encourages creative thinking and imagination of the audience in finding their inner peace. Shafaq’s paintings and sculptures on “Conference of birds” (Figure 5, bottom right) inspires deep thinking, compassion and will lift the spirit of the audience in pursuing their own creative art form. Dhru’s paintings and story “The gold wand and the silver wand” (Figure 5, bottom left) establishes the audience as heroes who look for ways and means to overcome demon-like diseases in their own lives and in the process shares their own story in visual and literary art. Together these four artists from four corners of the world show the audience that no matter where they are from and where they are now in life, everyone has a story worth telling and if we don’t tell our stories, no one else will. 

NYC Dream: Staycation and apartment therapy

In past 6 years I have been to NYC for 13 times. Spending time in NYC doing what I like to do has no substitute. But there are 3 major downsides.
A photo I took on a cloudy night from a high rise at Kips Bay looking down at 33 and 34 St. 
First problem is the huge expenses associated with these trips. To handle this issue I found 3 boutique hotels that are approximately 50% cheaper than Manhattan’s average price per night. One of them is very artistic with lots of murals and fits my mood very well. However, bagging a good deal in flights still remains a lot of work.
The Basilica of St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral
Second problem is the short span of the trip. Because of many realistic reasons, the NYC trips are always less than a week. Even though I try to squeeze in couple of vacation days after a conference, for me it’s always unsatisfactory. NYC has so much to offer, it’s difficult to experience everything I like in a short trip.
Finally, the stress of traveling wears me out. It’s not a vacation to a relaxing beach lying under the sun and sipping frozen margaritas. My NYC trips are always paired with millions of activities: Giving a talk at the NY LASER meeting for scientists and artists, visiting the galleries and the Leslie-Lohman museum in SoHo, walking around the neighborhoods below and around Canal St, attending interesting talks at MSKCC at Upper east Side, Watching the sunset from DUMBO or Roosevelt island, walking through the Central Park and climbing up to the Belvedere castle, visiting the European sculptures at MET, lunch with family, dinner with friends, both old and new, visiting The Basilica of St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral, and the list goes on and on. Squeezing so many activities within a short trip requires planning and there is always stress involved with the chaotic nature of the city.

This year, when I had to cancel my pre-planned NYC trip because of a job interview, I thought I would try something different. Why not bring the elements of NYC that I’m obsessed with to my apartment itself! Why not try an NYC themed staycation instead of a stressful vacation? In that way, I get to enjoy those static elements everyday comfortably and more importantly, I control the time of changing each of these elements. I started with my apartment’s interior decor. I have been a huge fan of Apartment Therapy‘s posts on urban living and multipurpose furniture in small spaces. It was about time to try that in my own apartment.  
I was very happy with the Industrial city look accented by the NYC subway rug and custom built pillow covers. I am attracted to the NYC skyline or the bird’s eye view at night which is printed in greyish blue colors on two of the pillows. For the middle one, I wanted a bit of contrast. Instead of using more images on the print, this time I went with typography. In this pillow cover, each landmark of NYC is written with a typeface mostly associated with it. For example, the word “Broadway” is written with the Broadway typeface. The subway rug would only make sense to people who like me can connect the symbols of each of the subway lines in the city.
Next, I wanted to balance this industrial look with a bit of nature. The arrowhead allusion plant served that purpose well. The acrylic painting on top was one of mine describing the order and chaos of cancer evolution. My interest in MSKCC’s research on cancer and the chaotic nature of the life in the city were represented by this painting. 
As most of my art making materials were stored underneath the daybed and the journals on cancer  research were inside the ottoman serving as the center table, this design decision created a lot of breathing space at the other side of the living room. I built this space around a greenish yellow Chinese lantern (a gift from my friend Maria) hanging almost at the center of this area. Connecting with the natural and minimal Zen look I was going for I placed the plants on top of a wooden bar stool which also held some of the magazines underneath. One of my favorite parts was to use with my top three favorite The New Yorker cover posters.
Next, I started gathering books I wanted to read with stories using NYC in their backdrop. Paul Auster’s The New York Trilogy provided detective stories written with several elements of NYC and in a slow, relaxed style. Brian Wood’s The New York Four graphic novel paid homage to many of NYC’s landmarks and neighborhoods. In addition, I loved the illustrations of Ryan Kelly. Joey Esposito and Sean Von Gorman’s graphic novel Pawn shop was the most beautiful of all. The illustration style of Jonathan Moore was not my favorite. But, Joey Esposito’s dedication “For the lonely souls haunting New York City” sealed the deal for me. 

Finally created a Zen nook to relax and meditate in my patio! In the morning, I could use this space to read those books I collected. In the evening I could enjoy a drink or two. Now this is a lot larger than a typical 35 square feet NYC patio. But, I needed a little escape to calm down my mind. I used the colors I am drawn to (shades of green and blue) and a small succulent (flowering plants are way too high maintenance and do not fit my lifestyle). I hanged some of the quotes from spiritual leaders from many religions that help to calm me down.

I believe by doing this exercise of bringing NYC close to me, I finally realized the saying by Rumi – “This universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything you want you already are.” While dealing with my obsession of living in NYC for past couple of years, I didn’t notice when I turned into a New Yorker at heart and wherever I go people notice that New Yorker vibe in me!


NYC Dream: The charging bull vs. the fearless girl


The Fearless girl sculpture by Kristen Visbal in Wall Street indeed drew a lot of media attention. The placement of Fearless girl in front of the Charging bull by Arturo Di Modica was extremely strategic! As the charging bull represents financial power of Wall Street (or capitalism in America) in influencing world-level decisions, the fearless girl can be studied as an icon of millennials taking a stand against “life-long debt” imposed on individuals in a capitalist country. On the other hand the impact is further augmented by placing a girl’s sculpture instead of that of a boy. The story of David and Goliath is pretty famous. But “Diana and Goliath” was cleverly timely with the Wonder Woman film doing so well in the box office!

NYC Dream: the obsession, the dilemma and the truth

I am back after more than two years. I believe I do not have a lot of followers. So I don’t feel guilty. Trust me, last two years have been tough. I dealt with a lot of psychological issues circling around decision making about life. My New York dream could have become a reality on a very steep price through various avenues. But, I chose to remain as a tortured artist (and a scientist) in Southern United States and fantasize about living in New York City, specifically in SoHo. I knew New York City is the source of my creativity. The urge of placing my foot in that city for 3-5 days a year keeps me creative for the rest of the 360 days each year. I knew if I actually ended up living there, I probably would have quit creating. To pay for the sky-high rent, I would have forced myself into finance and management. The artist in me would have died and rotted without being able to express freely.  So I decided to stay. Even though all SIX of my senses were complaining about the lifestyle and culture down here.
As a big compensation I curated and participated in a cancer based art show bringing in 6 artists and cancer researchers in one of the top 5 galleries in the Design District of Dallas and installed 35 pieces of artworks worth $1.5 million. My cancer researcher boss kindly served as one of the four panelists along with visionaries and famous scholars from the field of astrophysics, art therapy, business and spirituality. More importantly, my scientist boss’ artist sister flew in from San Diego to watch this show. The evening I moderated this panel discussion, I received the best reward of my life. Both my lung cancer and art mentors exclaimed in union to 140 audience members (and to my embarrassment) “I wish all my students were like Dhru!” That was just the beginning.

The editor-in-chief of Leonardo, the second best visual art journal according to Google h5 index, agreed to create a special section named “Art and Cancer” on my request. I paid off by serving as the section editor and creating an editorial advisory board inspiring and enlisting a senior editor from prestigious Science magazine. In April of this year, Leonardo published their top 2 articles on art and cancer and I wrote the very first editorial of my life!

But, back in my mind, somewhere was that screaming artist soul that wanted to live in New York City at any cost. One opportunity came up as I was sitting beside the president of consulting club in a departmental seminar. I didn’t know anything about management consulting except from the fact that it might provide the ways and means for me to live in New York. The president is a very kind human being and irrespective of my lack of experience in consulting agreed to become my study partner for interviews in the biggest consulting firms. For the next 10 months, I worked my ass off to practice case studies with several consulting club members and real life consultants, networked with more than 100 consultants in 25 firms in 5 different countries and lost 35 lbs of weight to look presentable and confident. Even I started to believe I wanted to be a consultant.
Guess what? I didn’t make it. I kept lying to myself – “It doesn’t matter if you are a management consultant. You can still be an artist even though you work on business stuff 80 hours a week!” And there was the other voice – “Really???” I think the very intelligent and experienced consultants who interviewed me saw through me clearly, noticed my dilemma and they knew I was not ready.
But there was a plus point from all this pain. You know how consultants are really good at breaking down a problem and solving it creatively? I got good at that too through all these hardcore preparations. I started to think about what is it about New York City that I like? And then it occurred to me slowly. I like the creative culture. I like the young people wearing black clothes and walking fast down the streets. I like the dynamic, ever-changing and sometime fleeting aspects of life, a sense of un-satisfaction and practically the ability to walk anywhere I wanted. The uncertainty of life at every aspect of every day and being able to make peace with it.